Pep Talks

My thoughts on this one might surprise you...

Pep talks (the "good" ones at least) really don't work on the younger kids.  It's not even worth your time, don't bother.  Huh?!  No... really.  Up to age 7 or 8, all the kids really care about is going out and playing.  There's so much information swirling around in their heads about what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, that there's just not capacity to get fired up enough to "beat" the other team.

For a while, I ignored this discovered truism and thought I could somehow inspire excellence by providing a stirring "Win one for the Gipper"-type oration.  Nah.  I'm sure it sounded good, and the other parents were ready to go out and get at 'em (I can hope), but the kids looked exactly the same after the speech as before...  there were even a few times when I got questions immediately after the speech about random stuff - sometimes game related, sometimes not.

It might surprise you to find out that I'm an over-communicator.  As such, pep talks not working was quite a problem.  Luckily, all is not lost.  The younger kids do seem to respond to basic, positive reinforcement - "Go out and do your best", "Just like we did in practice", "Don't worry about the last play", etc.  All of these somewhat generic, yet positive messages seem to focus the young players on what they're supposed to do, and they seem to inspire confidence.

At age 8 or so, all of this begins to change.  Some of the players have become very competitive by this point, and have mastered the basics.  They are now looking for motivation to go out and achieve, and to win.  This age opens a whole new era, a challenge all its own.

There's no harm in pulling out your best Dean Smith or Bear Bryant for the 5-year-olds... just keep your perspective when Little Sally listens intently, but then says "I have to go to the bathroom". 

Role Models

I'm sure you can think back to your childhood and remember role models you had - whether it was Robin Yount, Joe Montana, or Betty Crocker... All of those, along with many others past and present, set a positive example for others to follow. It is these people who shape and inspire others to achieve, sometimes well above what their "talent" may have been.

But what about the ones who aren't such a positive example? Pete Rose, Barry Bonds, OJ Simpson... Manny Ramierez. I can think of about a dozen others right off the top of my head, too. How do you explain to a 7-year-old that their favorite player can't play for 50 games because he was cheating?

While it will always be important for kids - and all of us, probably - to admire others who are famous, and - apparently - good at what they do, it's important to set good examples right where we are. Sure, Manny is on TV a lot, and he hits like few others. And that hair is pretty cool. But he doesn't live in your house, or drive the kids to school, or take them out to Baskin Robbins. He can't take the time to show Little Bobby how to hit a curve ball, really.

As coaches and as parents - heck, as adults - it's our obligation to set good examples for our kids. In life. In sport.

It never fails that during a season we play the team of sore losers - what kind of coach allows this type of behavior if they're down a few runs, or can't seem to score a goal? The message SHOULD be to go out, try a little harder, and chip away at the lead. If you ultimately fail - congratulate the victors, and work harder in pratice for next time. What is the conversation is between the kids and the coaches and parents after a bad game compounded with bad sportsmanship... and what kind of adults do those kids become? When things don't go their way (didn't get the job, failed to qualify for the loan, etc) - do they sit and pout? Do they call the loan officer names?

Kids will imitate what they see and hear. If they get a truly positive message, and develop to drive to achieve, there's no stopping them. When they hit a bump in the road, they won't sulk, they'll seek out another way...

I'm not saying coaches are perfect - nor do they need to be. I don't know anyone who is. That's human. But to strive to do the right things, and to admit and explain when you have failed is really what a role model is. In that light, maybe Manny deserves another chance...

This blog really should be a website...

I was looking through the first 10 posts, and it seems like there's a lot good information. Practices, drills, thoughts - wow... Alright. Now that I'm done patting myself on the back, I am wondering - how the heck is anyone going to make heads or tails out of any of this? What happens if you're looking for "football stuff" and there's all the soccer and baseball stuff mixed in? What if you're more about the "random thoughts" and less about the technical details?

I've been doing some research on other youth sports websites. Thankfully, there are a few worthwhile, but I haven't found one I really liked yet (although, you'll see links to some of the better ones here soon). So, I'm thinking about setting up a real site, then having the blog as a compliment to that. Yeah, that's gonna take time and effort - but we have a Mac!

On another note, our spring seasons are winding down - just 1 game left for both soccer and football. But - maybe even more than other seasons - I am extremely proud of both teams. Those kids have all worked very, very hard, and gotten much better over the course of the season! We'll continue on with 5-year-old soccer in the gym for the summer, and also 8 and 9-year old basketball (where the real fun starts). I'm sure there will be plenty more about that as those seasons get closer.

Communicate Effectively - With Parents

One of the reasons I have been so involved in coaching my kids' teams is an experience we had with a "bad" coach. "Larry" was assigned to be the coach of my son's soccer team many years ago. His son was also on the team, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. However, throughout the season, Larry would routinely send out cryptic emails, cancel practice at the last minute, and sometimes not show up for games. Larry was a decent enough coach on the field, but he was a poor communicator.

This irritates and frustrates parents, and it can impact the kids and their performance.

No one expects a coach to do everything perfectly. Jobs, illness, and life sometimes get in the way of making every practice and game on time - or at all. That said, it is important to build repoire with parents. Find out how to communicate with them (email works great for me, but some prefer phone). In addition to coaching, you are obligated to either be or find a "team coordinator". I am lucky - my kind and loving wife has helped me during he past several seasons - organizing email lists, sending reminders, keeping the snack schedule... this may seem like "little stuff" - or even stuff that doesn't matter. But it does.

Set the expectation - what can they expect from you? What do you expect from them? This likely changes a LOT as the kids get older...

Players whose parents know when they practice, where they practice, and when the games are will usually pay you back by being on-time and supportive of your efforts. They will be more apt to communicate with you - or even volunteer to help you out. Your communication style can create harmony on your team, which will lead to a much more rewarding experience. ...and the mood impacts the kids, and their enthusiasm (or not) for the game.

Communicating effectively with parents takes a little work, but the benefits far outweigh the costs. These skills also transfer directly into the actual coaching work - but that's for another time.